Boyz!

Something has happened to my sweet little boys....they have turned into dirty little rugrats. Apparently something happens around age 7, younger if they have an older brother....suddenly bodily functions and body parts are extremely important!

I know they have not learned it from me and my husband doesn't like to talk about it either...but I have never heard the word fart so many times! (and I grew up with two brothers!). or wiener. or butt.

My favorite moment has to be when my 7yo was sitting next to me on the couch just letting them fly and giggling.

Then there is the time before bath time when they dance around naked, trying to circle their penises around in circles.

Or the comic book being created called Iron Fart (inspired by the baby).

Fart jokes and poop songs...not exactly what I thought parenting would entail.

Diary of a tired mom

Whenever anyone asks how I am, I feel bad, but I almost always respond with 'tired'. Of course, I am tired. I have four kids, two jobs, three cats, a toad, I volunteer myself to both my kids' schools, plus I like to keep up with family and friends, I like to cook and eat which requires some shopping, and I don't think the laundry will ever be done. There is always something I could be doing.

Like now, I am blogging...when I should probably be making a healthy dinner for my family or even taking a nap before my husband heads to work. I have a list of lots of things I need to do by Friday that runs through my head.

But what could I eliminate? I really enjoy almost every activity I feel necessary. I love my students at work...even when they are feeling summer approaching through their bones. I love my members at the gym who keep my smiling. I love being a part of my kids' school communities. I want to give back as much as I can for their amazing free educations. I wish I could see my family more so its really important to arrange special times. Eating and bathing seems a little required. And the baby must eat about every 2hrs. And sleep is necessary...at least the minimum I seem to manage.

But I don't always do 'something'. Sometimes, I do nothing. I try to watch as least one mindless television show each day and read something not related to work. Today I read OK Magazine while waiting through my son's therapy session as the 5yo played on the floor (I was waiting for our epic Uno game to commence). My magazine reading led me to some funny youtube videos later in the day. I've been so consumed in family life, reading a magazine from March was all news to me.

Doing nothing is just as important as doing something.

I think I have found some balance in my life. I am able to say no to projects and volunteer requests. I am fine with dishes in the sink. I can stop myself and take a nap. We can always have scrambled eggs for dinner. I always find time for exercise. I can always find a piece of dark chocolate in the house.

So I am tired but happily so.

Back to real life.

So my days of watching bad movies and napping are put on hold while I started back to work this week.

I was more than ready to get out of the house regularly and see all my friends, students, parents, and gym peeps again. And my easy-going 7-week-old was ready for some action too--ok, he slept through most of anything. I am fortunate to work in two extremely family-oriented places--on-site childcare and lots of eager hands to snuggle him.

Everyone has asked me all week...how are you? did it go ok? how is he? Everything is fine. I get to see the little bundle whenever I need to and he gets to see me whenever he needs me. And really, I only work 4 hrs a day and teach fitness for 55 mins per week. I absolutely love my jobs, so I was so happy to be back.

Unfortunately, the rest of my life continued as well...driving kids around, newsletters to write, tutoring to do, lots of laundry and dishes to wash, books to read, report cards to enjoy, grocery shopping, big kids to chat with.... That, combined with the fact the little one found the need to eat continually from midnight to 6am each night...was exhausting. Seeing my husband nap or hearing him snore was a bit irritating, to say the least.

So we're hanging in there...at least until summer.

Life as we know it

Just to recap...

We have a 14yo who is trying to get us to teach her to drive (yes, drive....reminding us she is only 18mon away from 16!), registered for high school, and we are having to teach her to responsibility of a cell phone and the evil interweb. She is also nutty busy with school and church activities, not to mention her social life.

A 7yo who is reading everything, eliminating the once-effective mute/closed captioning button (hey, what does se....sex...sexy mean? should I google it? look they said it again!). He is also become an expert chess player way above my ability and tries to out logic us to get out of chores. He is inquisitive about everything and is insistent on looking up lots of facts.

A 5yo who has quickly figured out how to take advantage of a tired and always nursing mother. He has decided he is a real big kid now and wants to watch big kid shows, make up very mean comebacks, avoid homework at all costs. At least he still needs some cuddle time each day.

A 4week old who nurses, poops, and sleeps continually. He is trying hard to control his neck and head.

A little bit of everything...just the way we like it.

Good Thing He's So Cute

So our 5yo is pretty cute. Everyone seems to just love him. Let me tell you a secret about our little Prince Charming...its all an act. He knows he can flash his smile and head in for a cuddle and all is forgiven. He is a master of distracting your accusations with adorable dancing or joke telling. Too bad this magic doesn't really work on me or his siblings.

Just this weekend, the boy snuck and ate 4 doughnuts in a day, half a box of candy, and emptied a brand new bottle of his sister's face wash. Last week, I witnessed him come down late at night (I was on the couch), and eat something out of the kitchen and then go back upstairs. The TV cabinet has been mysteriously broken as well.

He does know that if he lies convincingly, he will get off the hook. If he says he didn't do it, what can I do? And he is pretty a good liar. Only when we have proof, can we convince him to give it up.

So beware of this little one...he's good, almost too good.

Trust in them

I think a key component to my parenting (and teaching) is trust. I trust children.

I trust children to find what they need to grow and learn.
(I can provide them materials and experiences they ask for--and some healthy food).

I trust children to explore and experiment to make sense of the world around them.
(I can provide them a safe and rich environment).

I trust children to take calculated risks and learn from the outcomes.
(I can provide support and encouragement without judgement--and band aids).

I trust children to seek comfort when they are sad or angry.
(I can provide a lap to cuddle in).

I trust children to express their feelings loud and clear.
(I can provide them with space and language to let it out).

I trust children need to be children.
(I can provide them love and understanding for who they are without prejudice).

School Days

School starts this week for many children and parents. Two of mine start tomorrow and one on Monday. Many parents find the first day of school sad or sweet, tears well up in their eyes and they struggle to let go of their child's hand so they can walk in the school alone.

I am not one of those parents. I love the first day of school for purely selfish reasons. I can't wait to have the kids out of the house and get some time to myself again. Its terrible but true. I am looking forward to my kids spending time with other people than myself, husband, and their siblings. My boys, in particular, need to spend time apart for each other before blood is shed. I can't wait to have my house stay a bit cleaner and less food need to be stocked up. I also love and need routine in my life and school days bring a delightful routine back into the house. So, I am ready for school to start..bring it on!

Do-Over!

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes of my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

--Diane Loomans, from "If I'd have my child to raise all over again."

5 ideas under $5 to break through the summer boredom!

Have you hit that point yet? The kids have watched every DVD you own, read each book, can't think of anything else to destroy or dismantle, they've eaten every morsel in the cupboards?

Here's some things to do to finish up the summer!

1. Water/Pool noodles! They are on sale now and cheap anyways. We don't have a pool but our noodles have become anything from a tightwire, swords, fences, massage tools, belts....

2. Package of plastic cups! They can stack them, count them, have a tea party with, tape them up!

3. A pair of scissors! Give them the recycling papers and let them go! Ask them to cut the grass!

4. $5! Give your kids a couple bucks and take them to Walgreens and let them get whatever they want.

5. Homemade playdough! Its cheap, its fun, and its is so much better than store-bought!
* 1 cup salt
* 2 cup flour
* 2 tablespoon cream of tartar
* 2 tablespoon oil
* 2 cup water
* food coloring, kool-aid, jello, or extract
Combine all ingredients in medium pot. Heat over med-low heat and stir until ball forms. Dump out onto counter/cutting board dusted with floor. Allow to cool 10mins then kneed until smooth (dust with floor if sticky). Leave out until completely cool. Store in air tight container.

Guidance and Discipline

One of our local news sources posted a topic for discussion on its facebook page yesterday.

YOUR TURN: Research shows that putting your child into "time out" can hurt them down the road. Instead, parents are urged to coach children through arguments. This will teach kids how to talk through problems and help relationships. What do you think? How do you get your kids to get along?

The 56 comments that followed basically concluded that not only should very punitive time-outs be used to control our children but we all should really just beat children to get them to behave appropriately.

I was shocked, to say the the least. As I read comment after comment, I got more angry. At one point, I thought, maybe I missed something and this is a joke or a test of my profession and parenting. Not one comment suggested anything else. Although I did resist, I had to comment as the voice of reason:

"honestly, I am SHOCKED by these comments. I am a parent and teacher I never use time out. I help kids learn about their emotions and how to express them, give them the tools to cope with themselves and others, and know when to ask for help. Each child is different and needs different things to deal with the world around them."

This, of course, was followed by lots of rude comments that that was ridiculous. My favorite was one person said that the only reason I don't hit my students is because the government doesn't allow me too. I am staying out of it now but I will continue here.

This is a very important issue to understand as a parent and a professional who works with any other human being, really. Actually, I don't even like to use the word 'discipline'. It gives off a very negative and punishing vibe. It also is often limited to isolated, reactive incidents. I do not discipline my children. Just as my course in college did, I prefer 'guidance.' Think about it...everything we, as adults, do guide the children into making their decisions. We are their guides in this strange world they live in, especially as they discover new things and relationships.

I am extremely proactive and emotion-based in my guidance with children. I also try to help them internalize the behavior so that children really make clear connections between thoughts, actions, and consequences (whether positive or negative). I think about it as giving them a tool box or magic kit. I talk, talk, and talk to children about everything and anything including emotions. I always find it interesting that children will know their ABC's but can't identify their own basic feelings. We learn about their own emotions and how to read others' emotions throughout the day (not just when an incident is happening). Once one can identify how they are feeling, you can give them to tools to cope with that emotion.

One of these tools is 'time out'. But not the 'sit in a corner with your head between your legs for an inappropriate amount of time time-out' but a break. This is an extremely useful tool for all ages....walk away, take a breathe, decide what you need to move on, ask for what you need.

Another tool is simple communication...if you are angry with someone, tell them. If you want something, ask for it. If you are happy, let someone know why.

Finally, let children know that things might not always go the way they want. If they ask for a toy, the other child can say no. You may have to wait awhile for a turn. Mom might not let you have another cookie. It might rain and you can't go to the pool. These events might make you angry or disappointed but that is the way it is right now. Give them ideas on things to do to feel better when disappointment sets in (read, draw, jump up and down, run around the house, playdough, watch your favorite show, listen to music....).

You also need to be role model. Use this method for yourself. You will hear me say the oddest things sometimes like "I really don't like when you lick my leg, it makes me feel gross." Or "I need a minute alone to feel better."

I have worked with a lot of children. A lot of different children including those with severe behavior disorders, autism, sensory integration, and children of all ages. Different children need different things to understand themselves and need different tricks in their hats to feel right. But, this works, it really does. This will empower children and make them better adults later in the life.

Something I never planned on

I think I always planned on being a mom and teacher. I could envision myself playing with children, nursing my babies, watching them running in a field of green grass. I also like pets and always had something growing up and most of my adult life. I enjoy listening to the purring of my cats, watching them groom and care for each other, and chase ridiculous items around the house. In all these blissful images, I never once included poop or pee. Not once but I should have because it is a major part of my life!

I spend a considerable about of time talking and dealing with this topic. I have blogged about it before but today was a very active day. My 6yo wet the bed this morning up to his armpits and had to stay home from school because he was so constipated (he is better now). I had to run to the store at bedtime to get some more pull ups. At school, of course, we are simultaneously potty training 15 children. I am always asking someone if they need to use the bathroom. I am lucky to pee by myself without some at best, standing right outside the door. And our kitten was very angry with us over bringing her to the vet that she needed to mark her territory when she came home. (all this while my husband decided to redo the plumbing in the laundry room).

I'm not complaining, I am happy to help children successfully navigate the bathroom world. Bedwetting happens, no big deal. Animals have natural instincts. Sure, no problem. But I find myself talking about it all day long.

Do you need to go pee? Are you sure? Let's get there quick! Hold it! Do you need new panties? Do you feel like all the poop is out? Push your penis down, please. Do you want to stand up or sit down? Do you need a new diaper? Is that pee I smell? I know you don't feel like it but you have to try. Did he poop today? Is that pee or juice on your pants? You used the potty, awesome!

Do other adults talk like this? I sure don't remember hearing my parents talk like this when I was a kid but perhaps it was perfectly normal conversation even then. I suppose I will get a chunk of time where this won't be at the forefront of my life (until my children are saying the same things to me and my husband) but for now it is.

Sickies, again.

I don't think this sick season will never end!

Since the new year, every living being in the house has been to the doctor. The boys have been there multiple times as well as the cats. I have learned the pharmacy hours around town and which ones have free or reduced-cost antibiotics. And my kids have missed more school this year than all other years combined.

2 have had strep. 1 ear infection. 2 stomach bugs. 1 broken leg. and my favorite, 1 green tongue.

Fortunately, my husband and I have survived with only some nasty colds and allergies.

So, for whatever reasoning, a lot of germs, viruses, and bacteria are breeding all over CU. I hope that warmer weather and more fresh air will clear everything up.

Things I have Found....

Things I have found in my house this past week:
*Scissors in the dryer

*All the legos in a bottle of apple juice

*A wolfman figurine in the Parmesan cheese

*A whole bottle of conditioner slicking the bathtub

*A cup of lightning bugs wrapped in plastic wrap

*Piles of grass on the carpet under the dining room table

*A lion in the butter dish

Things I am still looking for:
*Smart Card for the Dish Network receiver

*Most of the forks

*My bag of Dove Dark Chocolate Almond candies

*The curtain rods for the boys' windows

*A clean towel when I get out of the shower

No Means No

Lately, I have gotten very frustrated by my children misunderstanding the word "No".

They will ask me for something (can I have a marshmallow for breakfast? can I stay up late and watch Clone Wars? I can put this book in the microwave? I get a facebook page?), I will clearly respond "No." They will ask again, repeatedly, and I will calmly answer "No" each time. An hour later, they will ask again.

I think "No" is a pretty clear message. Once in awhile I will give reasoning or an alternative to the request.

No means no.

When Babies Attack

While reading an article on the long-term benefits of breastfeeding, I couldn't help but notice the 'related' article, When Babies Attack. It made my laugh because it was so true. I've gotten hurt often by my own children and students...rarely intentional, but painful nonetheless.

You know you are a good parent when your 2yo slams a Thomas the Tank Engine right into your temple so hard your eyes tear up...but you don't scream, or throw the train across the room....you take a deep breath and say "Wow, that really hurt, I'll be right back." You leave the room and head to the bathroom to silently yell and decide if the ER is necessary.

I think I've done things right when...

Since we were out (after storytime at the library), we decided should just go to the grocery store. I know we need some things but I have no list and two little boys with me. Let's go!

So I forget to buy milk and toilet paper but....

The boys picked out a lot more items than I usually allow (usually they get 2 items (1 free choice, 1 mom-approved). Here are the 'treats' my kids picked out today:
*tofu
*garlic and herb crackers
*chocolate doughnuts
*berry yogurt smoothies
*trix yogurts
*Kix cereal
*Cherrioes
*Munster cheese

There is nothing better than having a kid yell: I want to hold my tofu!

Cut it out!

If you are a facebook friend or have seen me lately, you will know that I chopped off a foot of my hair and donated it to Locks of Love. I do this about every other year when I get to the point where I can't find the time to get my hair cut regularly. Well, since then everyone in my house wants a haircut.

The boys usually get a trim every 8 weeks of so. Every time, my older son, with beautiful blond locks, wants to use the electric clippers (which I use to buzz his little brothers head). And each time, he decides at the last minute to keep it long. But today was different. I went over the decision several times and he was sure he wanted to do it this time. He wanted his hair like his friend at school (who is African American and has very short hair...I tried to tell him it won't look like that but will look like his brother). He was sure, I checked. So there I go...I was almost in tears, his hair is so beautiful.

But it was done. He goes in the bathroom to check it out and starts screaming. He says he hates it and wants it long ago...can I put the hair back on. Sorry Charlie, there is nothing I can do. Well this lasts for about an hour. At one point he refused to leave the house until his hair grew back.

By the end of the night, he now loves it and he even wrote a new song about hair ("You Never Get a Haircut When You're Sick").

Morning Talk

My 3yo often crawls into bed with me sometime between 3-6am...so I often wake up to a sweet kiss from him. Today, as he cuddled with me and I tried to pretend this wasn't time to wake up, he asks...."Mom, what don't you have milk in your boobs anymore?"

So after explaining that there is only milk when there is a baby to drink it, he agreed that he didn't need the milk anymore. Then he explained to me that he doesn't have milk in his boobs anymore because Ty (his imaginary friend) isn't a baby anymore.

Cool Trick Treatment

A few months ago, we received our 5yo's hearing test results...it wasn't good. After a few more tests and ruling out infection, we finally got in to the audiologist and ENT today. Surprisingly, he has mild to moderate bilateral hearing loss. Basically, he has fluid that just sits there and doesn't drain well. It is amazing he didn't suffer from frequent ear infections.

I was really shocked. As a child development professional, I didn't see any developmental signs of hearing loss...none. If anything, I would say he was oversensitive to noise (like me). I feel terrible that I missed it (although I don't think his development has suffered from this). He has thrown me before when his sensory issues and tantrumming last year.


Anyways. The first attempt at treatment is the Otovent (in layman's terms, a nose balloon). Yes, he has to blow up a balloon with his nose 3 times a day! It makes perfect sense when you think about it. My son really thought they were joking until he saw the nurse do it. So we will work on this super cool trick. He's excited.

*I was validated as a professional as I listened to the dr describe the development of the Eustachian tubes...I have explained this to many parents and I happy to know that I was providing a very accurate explanation.

Bathroom Benchmarks

Everyone talks about when their children are potty trained...meaning when they pee or poop in the toilet. (Being surrounded by dozens of potty training children daily...'my child is potty trained' has various (and often incorrect) meanings).

But what about these points:
When can your child use a public bathroom stall alone? And lock the door?
When can you child go to a public restroom without you (e.g. you are at dinner and your child needs to go...when do you send them in alone)?
When can your son use the urinal?
When should boys stop going in the Women's Room with Mom or girls to the Men's Room with Dad?

These are the benchmarks that signify you are winning the war on the washroom.